College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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