Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
