I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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