i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
