I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize