I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
