Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
