I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
