Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I know her cup size but not her name....
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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