I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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