Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize