____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I stole a fireplace last night.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
