I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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