You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
wanna go halves on a baby?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
