i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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