I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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