i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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