So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
