I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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