Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
