So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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