Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
