We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
