Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
