Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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