My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Don't make out with my wife yet
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
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