operation harelip BJ is a go
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
