Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
