my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
