what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
