Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
