This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
