At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
