Porn is love you can see.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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