the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
