This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
