I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
