i think my mom watched the whole time
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
