You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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