im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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