Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
