lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
