Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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