is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
