she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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