if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
