he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
