my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
