I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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