arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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