and my herpes radar will keep us safe
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
