get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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