She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
