Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
