just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
