She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
