Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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