then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
