There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
