what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
