The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
