No subtext here. People are naked.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
