Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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