Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
