I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
If that was your dad, he is hot
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.