I just cut my nipple shaving
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.