Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it