It's like God shit irony all over that family
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
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You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
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i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.