Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm jealous of your bromance
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms