THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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