So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport