You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
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He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
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Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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