I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
