My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
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On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
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The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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