we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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