.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
being pregnant is like rehab
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
