Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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